Yzma, the republican
found this gem in the 1996 Cornell Women’s Handbook. it’s what to say when a guy tries to get out of using a condom
Get to know me meme - [2/10] favorite male characters: Tyrion Lannister"When you tear out a man’s tongue, you are not proving him a liar, you are only telling the world that you fear what he might say."
Dresses are so nice they’re just tubes of fabric you can throw on with very little effort and when you wear one and people are like “oh wow you dressed up you look really nice” but it’s like
ah yes my disguise is working. you think i cared this morning
gonna watch some HISTORICAL FICTION gonna become EMOTIONALLY INVESTED gonna learn TRUE FACTS gonna get PUMPED gonna go to the LIBRARY
i don’t get this. why does this have so many notes. does it have to do with the type of ice cream? Napoleon ice cream? Napoleon Bonaparte? is that Napoleon Bonaparte’s hand?
sob but i want to know
My faith in pizza guys has gone up 123%
NO LET ME TELL YOU A STORY
So a few weeks ago I was in a hotel in Savannah with my grampa in the hospital next door, Mom was over staying with him, and the battery in the smoke detector went out so every 5 minutes it would let off this loud, high pitched ‘CHIRP’.
It was annoying as fuck, so I called the front desk to see if they had a battery for it, and they said the only thing they could do was change rooms. We’d already settled in for the night, and needed the next door rooms for my uncles the next day, so I said I’d deal. My uncles had my car in the next town over, so I couldn’t drive and get one myself.
An hour later, I’m ordering pizza and have gone insane because the damn thing CHIRPS. SO. MUCH.
So I begged the pizza guy on the phone to stop and get me a battery, told him I’d pay for the battery, and give him an extra tip for it, and he was chill with it. This adorable fucker gets to my room with the battery, opens it, asks to see the smoke detector, CLIMBS ON THE BED, CHANGES THE BATTERY FOR ME, and tests it.
My pizza was only 20 dollars, but I gave him 40 and told him to keep the change.
I am clearly not fully utilizing my pizza delivery person…..
What’s next pizza delivery hitmen
i’d be the worst PR-manager ever
my client would be like “there are rumours going around that i’m a gay satanist” and i’d be like “hahaha awesome”